Originally published on mylifeline.org
Do your thoughts flow unceasingly like a river you think you can't control? If so, you could be at the mercy of your unpredictable inner voice, which could focus on your fears and make you unhappy. Here, Basia Najarro Skudrzyk uses her international business experience to advise you on how to craft self-talk wisely and make it constructive.
Increase awareness
When you aren't especially aware of your thoughts, and let them tumble forth, they create your reality. They generate your mental state and color your experiences and behavior.
To transform self-talk, you must first increase awareness, noting when it steals your attention. Don't worry about its content. Just note down times when it arises. Silently tell yourself "this is self-talk."
The impact will be to raise your recognition of when your critical voice appears. Doing so will also teach you to detach, somewhat, from the content of self-talk.
When you concentrate on noting inner speech rather than what it says, you mentally step back from it. You gain a detached perspective not fueled by emotion.
Listen to self-talk
Next, listen to self-talk intentionally. Notice when it is negative. Does the content of your inner voice follow a pattern? Maybe, it arises when you face a challenge? Or when something sparks the memory of insecurity?
Again, look at inner speech analytically and you'll be less influenced by what it says. Indeed, you'll view self-talk with curiosity rather than fear. Your perspective will shift because you observe it like a detective or psychologist.
Direct your thoughts
Having observed your thoughts and increased awareness, you are ready to take charge. Practice directing self-talk. Change inner talk when it's negative. Make it positive or neutral, so it uplifts you. As you learn to control your thoughts, you'll no longer be a slave to unwanted inner speech.
Choose your state of mind
Consider what you want to feel and form thoughts to match your wish. If your aim is to enjoy a calm state of mind, for instance, create calm thoughts. Focus on soothing aspects of your environment like pleasant sounds and sights.
Or, if your goal is to feel happy, entertain thoughts to support a content frame of mind. Remember your blessings, for instance, or describe qualities you admire in people or places. Look for positive aspects of events, too, and your happiness will increase.
When self-talk freely flows, you have no control over your emotions, and they generate your experience of life. Take control of your thoughts and direct them, and you will be empowered by the ability to create your reality.